


is there more i could've said? now they're only pictures in my head

by spookyscarysokka



Category: The Politician (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Memories, One Shot, Photos, Sad, Suicide, a lil bit of fluff, but cannon and doesn't describe it, sorry it's kinda short im new lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:22:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24974515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyscarysokka/pseuds/spookyscarysokka
Summary: He and River didn't have many pictures together, but Payton would cherish the ones he did have.
Relationships: River Barkley/Payton Hobart
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	is there more i could've said? now they're only pictures in my head

**Author's Note:**

> I have literally never written anything in my life (other than school papers), but there's a sinful lack of Payton/River fics on AO3. I figured I'd try my best to help the cause! I hope you enjoy!

They weren’t supposed to have any pictures together. Payton was always worried about his skeletons in the closet. What if someone were to find out he was technically cheating on Alice? More than that, that he was with a man? No. Not that anything was wrong with that, but it wasn’t in the plan. This whole thing could loose him votes. It paints a bad picture. It was better this way. For his Student Body President campaign and for all in the future. 

But River always had a way of convincing him. He had put his hand on Payton’s shoulder, gave Payton that _look _staring directly in his eyes and said, “Come on Payton, please? I wanna remember this, I wanna remember _you.” _  
And well, Payton always was weak when it came to River.____

_____ _

_____ _

So now here he was. Staring at what little pictures he and River had together. 

Payton had them printed not long after they were taken. He thought if he printed them and deleted them off his phone, there was less of a chance of anyone finding them. With physical copies, he could keep them hidden away and bring them out with only himself for company. Printing them also makes it easier to burn if he ever needed too. Not that he ever would do that now, skeletons be damned. 

Payton took a deep breath and cleared his head. You would think looking at pictures of his dead... God, what were they? Ex-boyfriends? Ex-lovers? Ex-Best friends? Jesus. They never put a label on it. They never had to. Never needed to. There was no denying Payton loved him though, as much as he wanted to. It took River dying to realize that. 

Anyway, you would think looking at pictures of River would be traumatic. But instead it always brought Payton a weird sense of peace. Looking at River’s warm eyes and soft dimpled smile felt like coming home. It felt like being wrapped up in a soft blanket on a cool autumn day. Sometimes he wondered if he’d ever feel the way he did around River again with someone, other than his mother. Whenever those thoughts came up, he quickly put them in a box and shut it away. He didn’t need that to become president. 

The fist couple photos were the same, only a few differences. They were both lying down on Payton’s bed, but the photo only showed their shoulders up. You could see River’s right shoulder at a weird angle, as he was holding the camera. River looked calm and confident as always, the pictures were his idea anyway. He had a blue sweater on, making him look warm and inviting. His curls were in disarray across his forehead from Payton running his fingers through them. His striking blue eyes were sparkling and his smile was gentle, but wide enough that teeth were peaking out. His lips were red, kiss-bitten. He looked genuinely happy. 

Payton felt awkward in the first few pictures but tried not to show it. Admittedly, he didn’t take a lot of pictures just for the sake of memory. It was always for something - a resume building activity, a charity event, a public engagement. Everything was a stepping stone and he never thought of pictures as anything other than that. It showed. In the first picture Payton was wearing his politician smile. Most people couldn’t tell, but he knew himself and so did River. 

_“Relax, Payton.” _he breathed. Leave it to River to constantly read his mind.__

____

____

Not much changed in the next photo, but Payton was now glancing at River. Almost questioning, _‘am i doing this right?’ _A look that very rarely crossed his face, but when it did, it was usually around River. It was honest. Vulnerable. His smile was still bordering his usual pasted-on look, but it was soft around the edges. His shoulders lost some of their tension.__

____

____

The next one Payton was fully relaxed. His smile full and natural. River had bumped his head with Payton’s, making his smile come easy. Payton doesn’t have many pictures with that smile. River’s eyes were scrunched in the corners, he was laughing, like this is all he could’ve ever wanted. An easy companionship, an easy love. 

The last one. The last one did hurt to look at. They were turned toward each other. Their eyes soft, full of something that Payton didn’t understand at the time. River’s smile was closed, but more tender than it was in any of the other pictures. His eyes were staring directly into Payton’s, taking his breath away, staring directly into his soul. River’s other hand had managed to sneak up to cradle Payton’s cheek. He had a look that implied he was looking at the only thing in the universe. 

A strange feeling settled over Payton when he realized he looked the exact same way. He doesn’t think he’s ever looked at someone like that before. He looked so warm and vulnerable and peaceful and _loved _. It was a look only River could get out of him. He was startled out of the memory by tear drops falling near the photo. He didn’t even know he started crying.__

____

____

God, he had been so fucking blind. 

It’s true what they say. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll forever be sad about River and Payton, so I need fic to make me feel better (esp after the disaster of season 2 - if anyone wants to yell with me, my tumblr is also capmarvelsgf). I kept wondering throughout the show if Payton and River had any pictures together. Would Payton be against it since it's "evidence"? If Payton didn't have any, would his only visual of River be the hallucinations? So, this concept was born.  
> Again, I am new! So if you have any advice I would appreciate it!


End file.
